So far from my 20's

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” 

Hello Everyone!!!

Today is Friday and I just realized that I'm almost 30. It's time to stop pretending  that I can be everything that I wanted to be once in the distant past.
It's time to comeback to reality and face the fact that I'm not that young guy that once in his life wanted to be a Top Model, or a famous and rich singer (even though I only sing in my bathroom, which by the way, I do really well). No, it's about time for me to find my place, my safe place to follow my dreams until God brings me to his side.

Everyday I fight for all my future somethings. A good job for life, a nice place to go back to after a long day, somebody to talk to in the evening, a child to bring to school every morning before work. Simple things that would make me smile everyday. At the moment, I have none of these things, and I just hope that one day it will be my reality..
Everyday I have to choose between a thousand little wars, and I know that could spend a lifetime earning and collecting things that I really don't need, like chasing a rainbow to find a pot of gold and come back home empty hamded and soaking wet.

But here is the thing. I dare you dear reader to strip me. Yeah! Strip me, strip it all away, what would you find?
Take what you want, my clothes, my skin, my pride. Build me up or cut me down into little pieces. Shut my mouth, bury me and do you know what is going to happen? I'll scream. I'll scream until I lose my voice. It might be just another voice in a million, but that's something nobody can take away from me, my right to speak or scream in this case.
Because at the end of the day when it all boils down to nothing, it's what you do and say that makes you who you are. You have to stop and think. Sometimes, all it takes is one voice, and that's yours.
So, I've decided that from now on, the only voice that I'm going to allow to be on my side will be my voice. It's hard when you have a million voices around you telling you to do this, do that but I have learned to listen to my own.

I still have my teenage dreams but it's not easy when life keeps telling you that those dreams are no longer available, at least not in your size. I've got to tell you something, seeing some of your dreams being destroyed because your life changed suddenly is not a nice way to face your future. 
In my last post, I said that I was deeply in love with a guy, well, life changes and people change as well.
I'm not saying that my love is less than before but I can say that my love is more mature and we are no longer together. I didn't know and still don't know how to deal with the distance. It was something like seeing the Mr. Right going away to find his Mr. Right. 
But I'm happy for him. He's is doing what I have always been afraid to do. He is following his dream and I have just started on my road. Still raining but the sun is coming up soon to light up my way and then I know that I'll be smiling.

So, that's it. Life is not what we want, but what we deserve. I'm pretty happy at the moment. Great things are happening and I'm moving on. It's like what they say, moving on means leaving something behind. Another chapter of my life has just begun. A new blank page ready to be filled with a new story and this time, maybe I will have a happy ending. Who knows, but I keep the faith. I believe in God and I know that he will bring me something good.
I am still the same guy, same smile, same bipolar. I am exactly the same, the difference is the way I'm looking forward now. A new way to look after me is essential now. Take care of me first and then, be able to look after someone else. The same guy who doesn't trust easily but is able to give up a life to see a smile on a face that I love. The same guy that is crazy about his nephews and nieces. The same guy who cries over a commercial of a cat food but this time, I am a little bit stronger.

Status of the day: Happy!!!

Queto of the day: ''The truth will set you free, but first will piss you off.''

And that's my new National Anthem.

Woke up late today,
And I still feel the sting of the pain,
But I brush my teeth anyway,
Got dressed through the mess,
and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stonger

Ridin' in the car to work,
And I'm tryin to ignore the hurt,
So I turned on the radio,
Stupid song made me think of you,
I listen to it for a minute,
But then I changed it,
I'm gettin a little bit stronger,
Just a little bit stronger

And I'm done hopin, that we can work it out,
I'm done with how it feels, spinnin my wheels,
Lettin you drag my heart around, and oh,
And I'm done thinking you could ever change,
I know my heart will never be the same,
But I'm tellin' myself I'll be okay,
Even on my weakest days,
I get a little bit stronger

It doesn't happen overnight,
but you turn around and months gone by,
And you realize you haven't cried,
Not givin' you an hour or a second or another minute longer,
I'm busy gettin' stronger

Gettin' on without you baby
I'm better off without you baby
How does it feel without me baby
I'm gettin' stronger without you baby

Music of the day:                              A little be stronger - Sarah Evans
                                                  

By Maikon Marques

Wonderland with no Alice.

''Let distance be another reason to love harder than any couple should''

Helloooooo Pet!!!

For those who is reading my Blog for the very first time, let me introduce myself.
My name is Maikon Marques, Capricorn body and soul, Brazilian living in a cold and wet Dublin, trying to find my way back home.
Working Bartending at Wilde Bar & Venue , studying and trying to learn this new language full of different accents and slang. I'm trying my best, but sometimes I just smile, because have to say, it's fucking hard to understand.

Nowadays, I'm in a deep and lovely relationship with this amazing International First Class Flight Attendant called Graham. Handsome guy with a big heart and the most old and genuine soul that I ever met. A smile that can light up the darkest room and day. If I'm in love? Whey aye!

Basically, this blog supposed to be about an ex-smoker, but life's change and people change. Yes, I'm back to smoke, but doesn't mean that I'm gonna stop doing the only thing that make my mind keep calm.
I love writing. That's the time when I can run from reality, or not, and go to a place called Wonderland, even though in my posts I'm talking about me, it feels like I'm a witness of my own life. Weird? Maybe, but tell me what is normal in this world?

So, 2013 just arrived and came full of surprises and emotional days, but for the very first time, I'm not making promises.
New years day always brings me a different kind of feelings, but this 1st of January of 2013 came like a tsunami of strong and deep emotions. First, away from my family and this constant thought of going back to Brazil is wrecking my head. I wanna go, but I wanna stay.

Second, my boyfriend moved to Abu Dhabi and I know that before i see him again, will be at least 5 weeks apart. Long distance relationship looks good and easy on movies, but in real life is such a terrible feeling. Miss somebody is not good, because when people say: ''Oh, don't worry, distance is nothing. You meant to be together'', A simple and objective thought cross my mind: ''Exactly, we meant to be together, TO-GE-THER''. But, I believe in God and I won't stand up against His plans. He works in a mysterious way. Anyway, I have to accept the fact that from now on, I'm gonna give my Good Night/Morning kiss on the picture that I keep under my pillow.
Third, this fucking feeling in my stomach that makes me wanna puke every time that I think about to change my life again. I'm not afraid at all, I'd do it without a second thought, but for God sake, I'm bipolar, Capricorn, OCD and a bit spoiled, and changes are definitely not a kind of thing that I do often. But, if I have to move to the deep of the sea to find my happiness, well, I guess is about time to buy a new swimwear and shave my legs.

But, apart of all this drama, my year started pretty good. I've got my job, which I love, friends that make my life and being away from my family and friends in Brazil much easier. I can say that I'm a lucky guy.

So, this year I've decided to give another chance to love. No more tears, no more drama, and no more crazy moods. Just enjoy everything the universe is sending me and make a cake. Yes, a cake. Full of dreams, good vibes, good thoughts and a star on the top. You might think that I'm crazy. A 29 year man, whom whats a cake full of crazy things, but not, before being an adult, I was a child, and the dreams of that child still here inside me, locked in a place that I'm the only one who have the access, and when I'm sad, I run to that place to see that child. My world, my rules. No matter how hurt I am, that child always put a smile on my face.
But don't worry, if I smile at you, trust me, you will see that child.

So, that's it. Now you know a tiny little piece of my, my personality. I'm not crazy, I'm just a dreamer who lives in a world that rainbows are for those who have time to look the sky, and trust me, out there, a lot of people never saw one before.

Doesn't really matter how long I'm gonna wait for you, as long you come back home and bring me some candies, I'll keep your side on the bed warm. Nemo misses you.

Quote of the day: ''Write a text is a polite way to say: Can I borrow your chest because the pain is no longer fitting in mine''.

Song of the day:                                          Runaway - The Corrs

by Maikon Marques